I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
