Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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