fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
