worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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