Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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