Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
