you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
