I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im holly from the hills drunk
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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