Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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