Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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