Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
