so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
