only if we run a train.
done.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
