the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
