Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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