He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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