I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
NoShamevember. You game?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
