I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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