He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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