Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
