you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
