rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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