wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Green mimosas i think yes
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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