all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You ate ashes out of my bong
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
