Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
