I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
