A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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