How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
