so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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