Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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