a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Randomize
