Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
