I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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