i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
