You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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