No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
