allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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