im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
