I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
