i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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