It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your cock deserves a montage
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
