my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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