Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
