She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
