Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
