I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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