I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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