GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
