we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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