what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
