Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
